SAT Writing: Redundancy

Redundancy questions involve removing unnecessary words. On the SAT, you'll encounter two types of redundancy:

  • Words that essentially repeat or unnecessarily define previous words (Examples 1 and 2)
  • Inflated and useless phrases that could be omitted or condensed into fewer words (Example 3 and 4)
Example 1
Wrong:Our problem is that we're too self-aware of ourselves.
Correct:Our problem is that we're too self-aware.

Self-aware already implies ourselves, so we don't need of ourselves in the sentence.

Example 2
Wrong:I once believed and had faith in the power of love.
Correct:I once believed in the power of love.

The phrase had faith in repeats the same meaning as believed.

Example 3
Wrong:Joey bought a super-sized hamburger due to the fact that he was really hungry.
Correct:Joey bought a super-sized hamburger because he was really hungry.
Example 4
Wrong:The legal documents were reviewed in a way that was deemed thorough.
Correct:The legal documents were reviewed thoroughly.

Inflated phrases like due to the fact that and in a way that was deemed must be made concise.

Example 5
Wrong:The reason why red pandas have ringed tails is because they are relatives of both the giant panda and the raccoon.
Correct:Red pandas have ringed tails because they are relatives of both the giant panda and the raccoon.
Correct:The reason red pandas have ringed tails is that they are relatives of both the giant panda and the raccoon.

This specific redundancy error is very common. It has three words that essentially mean the same thing—reason, why, and because, all of which point to the cause of something. You only need one of those words.

Example 6
Wrong:After hearing the spy's information, the general knew that an attack was imminent in the future.
Correct:After hearing the spy's information, the general knew that an attack was imminent.

Imminent by definition means in the future.

Example 7
Wrong:It's only on the night before the test that I wish my notes had been more clearer.
Correct:It's only on the night before the test that I wish my notes had been more clear.

It's unnecessary to use both more and the -er ending because they convey the same thing.

Example 8
Wrong:The last to sing, Jason and Jesse made sure to amaze the crowd with a full range of vocals at the end of the performance.
Correct:The last to sing, Jason and Jesse made sure to amaze the crowd with a full range of vocals.
Correct:Jason and Jesse made sure to amaze the crowd with a full range of vocals at the end of the performance.
Example 9
Wrong:We should evacuate the building immediately in the hypothetical event that a fire occurs.
Correct:We should evacuate the building immediately if a fire occurs.

The phrase in the hypothetical event that a fire occurs is too wordy and awkward. How much a certain phrase can be shortened can be a matter of style. Luckily for you, the answer choices will be very clear-cut on the SAT. You'll definitely know from the answer choices when they're testing wordiness.

Example 10
Wrong:The Black Friday deals attracted hordes of shoppers. These shoppers rampaged through the doors as the stores opened.
Correct:The Black Friday deals attracted hordes of shoppers, who rampaged through the doors as the stores opened.
Example 11
Wrong:The commander's charge into the opposing army was fearless, an act of bravery.
Correct:The commander's charge into the opposing army was fearless, an act of bravery.
Example 12
Wrong:Generic drugs are usually cheaper than when buying name-brand ones.
Correct:Generic drugs are usually cheaper than when buying name-brand ones.

Fix the following sentences by removing or rewording redundant phrases. Answers are somewhat flexible.

  1. This year, the volcano came alive as if it were angry and the eruption lasted for days, which numbered quite a few.
  2. Building his own motorcycle, which would belong to him, Quentin looked forward to the day when he would be old enough to drive it.
  3. The sisters reunited at the house where they grew up as siblings upon their father's death.
  4. Marine biologists estimated that the beached whale weighed in the rough neighborhood of about 200 tons.
  5. As police officers, we express our desire to have a commitment to public safety.
  1. This year, the volcano came alive as if it were angry and the eruption lasted for days, which numbered quite a few.
  2. Building his own motorcycle, which would belong to him, Quentin looked forward to the day when he would be old enough to drive it.
  3. The sisters reunited at the house where they grew up as siblings upon their father's death.
  4. Marine biologists estimated that the beached whale weighed in the rough neighborhood of about 200 tons.
  5. As police officers, we express our desire to have a commitment to public safety.